2.1 – Trauma and deciding to become safe to yourself

In all of us, there are exiled parts. They are vibrating the energies of hurt & pain and they’re desperately seeking to be loved, cared for, nourished and to be welcomed back home to the whole. These parts are like orphans looking to find their way back to a loving maternal presence.

For most of us (before we learn the skill of deep inner safety & grounding), our response is as follows –

We’re baffled by these parts. They sort of gross us out. We resist them. We expend significant amounts of energy trying to keep a lid on them, so they don’t bother anyone. We work to keep others “safe” from them.

Except it doesn’t make them go away. Not at all.

Ever more famished, these exiled parts fight harder to be known, to be heard, to come out so they can finally be loved. We can successfully fight back and keep them from coming out our whole lives, but not without significant expense. It’s tiring. It will cost us something – our health, our relationships, our joy…

…and when something gives, the pressure is too much and these famished parts finally come out they look dirty and dishevelled and wild and have no idea how to gracefully receive love. It’s messy to say the least.

If we can’t hold them and love them back to wholeness, in their desperation they’ll try to jump to someone who can – make them feel the pain, make them see them, make them known and loved.

Except the rub is this:
Nobody can ever integrate someone else’s exiled energies. All we can do is ground ourselves and let those energies find their way to the Earth, where they can access an energetically infinite source of love, nourishment and care.

This is my current understanding of trauma contagion (and our energy blocks). There IS another way.

There IS a way to use this understanding and:

• Become a safe presence to yourself and others.
• Learn how NOT to take on other people’s stuff when you work with them.
• Get out of your head.
• Learn to love yourself as you are.
• Heal your energy blocks and become more whole.
• Heal the World & the Earth.

Let’s get to it and talk about what it means to access inner safety & grounding.

In this context, accessing inner safety and grounding yourself is a decision.

It’s a decision to:

• Stop fearing the exiled parts, deciding to find a way to see, love and care for them instead.
• Stop actively abandoning or separating yourself, deciding to practice unconditionally turning toward yourself with love instead.
• Acknowledge the hurt that’s there, and acknowledge that with the energy of the Earth supporting you from below (and the energy of the Sky inspiring you from above), you are wayyyy bigger.
• Develop the capacity to stay present with yourself through discomfort and pain.
• Develop a robust relationship with the energy of the Earth so that you can let anyone else’s exiled energies find their way to Earth (rather than banging around in your energy system) as well as let your own exiled energies receive from the Earth.

Ok, this is biggggggg.

Take a moment to process how this is landing for you.

What does it make you feel? Sad? Hopeful? Alive? Afraid? Try to find three emotion-words. There is no right way or wrong way to feel. Applying the decision starts now.

Remember – Nobody is perfect at this.
We all have parts of ourselves we’d rather put in a drawer and shut the door on, pretending they’re not there. The goal today is NOT perfection. It’s NOT to process all your unhealed stuff in a day. Or a week. Or 12. This is a long-term thing and a skill to build.

All that is asked of you today is to set the intention:

As of today, I will endeavor to become just a little more safe to myself. I will work to catch myself when I’m self-abandoning or rejecting myself, and try to stay with myself, in curiosity and care, just a little longer.
Instead, I will work to increase my capacity to contain, welcome and integrate the energies that I’ve held as separate. That starts with finding my way back into my body and back into relationship with the Earth.

Well done, love.

If you need, take a break. Go drink a glass of water. Then come back to what’s next.